why didn't you poke me back
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
