I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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