I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
