I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
