So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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