Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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