Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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