my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
