haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
