ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
