If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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