Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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