I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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