..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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