I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
