We named our party play list daddy issues
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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