A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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