I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
