Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
