There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
