I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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