Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
