naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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