Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
