real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
