i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
