Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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