if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
