Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
