Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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