Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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