tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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