Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
