it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
