Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
