hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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