well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
