The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
