the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
