what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
