I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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