Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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