Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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