dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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