babies were throwing up all over the place
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
