the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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