Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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