i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
