i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
