i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
