its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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