i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
