Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
