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Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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