no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
