My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
