but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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