will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
