mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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