You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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