So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
