Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
