Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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