Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
