The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I wish there were birth control emojis
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
