Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
