i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
last night I used snow as a chaser
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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