Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
sarcasm needs its own font
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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