dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Boobs are out for the taking
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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