then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
