if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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