Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
