Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
its liver damage thursday
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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