suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
