I should be sponsored by Trojan
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just had sex on a roof
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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