just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
