I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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