isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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