i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
